Choosing a commencement speaker is a peculiar ritual—equal parts ceremony, speculation, and collective wishful thinking. It’s the moment when a graduating class gets to imagine, however briefly, that someone extraordinary might step onto the stage and offer a final dose of wisdom before they scatter into the world.

Disclaimer

• All characters and events in this chapter —even those based on real people—are entirely fictional.
• The following chapters contain coarse language and situations and due to its content it should not be read by anyone.

Chapter 32 “Commencement speaker selection”

The inevitable question of who would deliver our commencement address finally arrived, wrapped in the guise of a campus-wide email. We were invited to submit suggestions—an open call to propose the ideal candidate to shepherd us from the hallowed halls of academia into the wild unknown.

Naturally, I took this as an opportunity to indulge my more whimsical instincts. After all, Bono had recently given a legendary commencement speech at Harvard. If Harvard could have Bono, why couldn’t Anderson secure a rock star of our own?

My submissions may have strayed into the realm of the improbable—frontmen, guitar gods, and a drummer or two for good measure. I pictured Slash imparting life lessons between riffs or Dave Grohl regaling us with tales of rock ‘n’ roll resilience. I chuckled as I hit submit, fully aware that my ballot would be nothing more than comic relief for whoever was tasked with sorting through the suggestions.

Reality, as it often does, tempered my rock-and-roll aspirations. When the announcement was finally made, our speaker was revealed to be none other than Sheryl Sandberg, the formidable COO of Facebook and author of Lean In.

Now, Sheryl Sandberg might not wield a Les Paul, but she was, in her own right, a rock star of Silicon Valley—a titan of tech and an advocate for women in leadership. I had to admit, it was an impressive choice, even if she was unlikely to deliver her speech while standing atop a Marshall amplifier.

As commencement day approached, I found myself wondering what her message would be. Would it veer into the land of clichés? A saccharine medley of “follow your dreams” and “reach for the stars”? Or would she offer something meatier—a reflection on the trials and triumphs that awaited us on the other side of graduation?

Regardless of the content, there was no denying that Sheryl Sandberg’s presence would lend an air of gravitas to the proceedings. And, who knows—maybe she’d surprise us all with a metaphorical guitar solo of her own.